theres a scientific study somewhere out there that says those with anxiety (or trauma) rewatch tv shows or films, reread the same books to help ground themselves, an escape from all those complex emotions they hold within. its the structure, the predictability and the consistency of it all.
the sameness – and i understand, the nostalgia for the “feel good” emotions that i so desperately lack but so desperately need.
“one tree hill” might be my comfort show (in fact im certain that it is), for all the times ive returned to the same characters and plot just to soak in the security this show provides, the clarity it gives for when i need it the most. i rely on that show, in times of hardships where i seek answers to the complications life throws at us, in times where i feel lost and insecure, uncertain of my world and lack of faith in myself.
to me, “one tree hill” represents a strength and persistence in going after your dreams, lessons ive hoped to engrain in my own life. it epitomizes the importance of communication, something ive been hoping my boyfriend picks up from this show as i go through my fifth rewatch (its his first time and sharing this part of my life with him is crucial for me).
to me, “one tree hill” symbolizes the ups and downs ive had to face (after all, it has been the show thats brought me to where i am today), and has been the guiding light as we confront loss, breakups, and growing up itself.
its an icon of the generation i grew up in, and time-and-time again, we return to the same habits, familiar plot lines and characters and even though its all make-believe, the scenes you know like the back of your hand.
this year, i dressed up as brooke, in a royal blue juicy tracksuit and blue and white pom poms with a very “one tree hill” meets “euphoria” makeup look i experimented with myself.
and to me, its more than a halloween costume. she represents resilience, something ive needed this year as ive bounced back from loss and depression, my own brain fighting against me and causing my inner turmoil. and like me, in the early seasons she didnt believe in herself either so maybe my halloween costume can symbolize my healing and my transformation, the transition for me to stop it with the self-doubt and focus on doing what i love while being shamelessly and unapologetically myself.
so in the wise words of brooke davis, “you think you know me, but you dont. and that means you dont know what i can do.”
it might be just a teen drama but its guided me through the tricky nooks and crannies of life, and for that im grateful.
GFY (and happy halloween), fleur