intelligent, but make the poorest decisions
GIRL SPEAKS: desiring stability while creating chaos
its no secret that i was (am) an agent of chaos. maybe ive always been, getting a high out of getting a reaction out of people, catfishing all those desperate, horny tinder boys for the fun of it all (its so easy to pretend to be someone youre not), testing those closest to me just…
GIRL SPEAKS: comfort shows (one tree hill)
theres a scientific study somewhere out there that says those with anxiety (or trauma) rewatch tv shows or films, reread the same books to help ground themselves, an escape from all those complex emotions they hold within. its the structure, the predictability and the consistency of it all. the sameness – and i understand, the…
GIRL SPEAKS: halloween weekend
and as halloween weekend approaches, we remember those we lost and we cherish the memories that this weekend represents, the memories that live in our hearts for we can never get those moments back. i love halloween – ive always loved the dressing up part, pretending to be someone or something that im not, even…
GIRL SPEAKS: “and our hearts still beat the same”
i dont have much to say these days. i turn the world off, tune out the noise by blasting la dispute, hole, tonight alive on repeat through my airpods, crawling back into my safe space as i try to make right with the world, my world (and myself). im okay, i think – or as…
GIRL SPEAKS: walls built up (like a fortress)
*trigger warning: self-harm* do people always leave or do i just push them away? would you really even be pushing someone away if you never let them in to begin with? rejection is my end-all: my biggest pain, my worst fear, my weakness in a world that loves to fuck all of us over. sometimes…
SMALL TALK: self-care
not everyday has been kind (in fact, the entirety of the past few weeks have been insanely shitty). but hoping today doesnt feel as weighted, even if tomorrow is fucked.
SMALL TALK: anonymity
the breakdowns have been difficult lately, but thank you for giving me my safe space (also my anonymity, just so i can be more honest).
GIRL SPEAKS: it means too much to me
the expectations i set for myself are so high, yet i look around and i cant help but think that everyone else sets the bar so low for me. i get applause for not hurting myself, for getting out of bed before noon on weekends, for not being a massive cunt to my boyfriend because…
GIRL SPEAKS: in my feelings
“im smoking while im runnin’ on my treadmill, but im cutting up roses, could it be that i fell for another loser.” – lana del rey, “in my feelings” maybe theres a part of me that just loves losers, pathetic and sad people who just need me, those willing to bend backwards to please me.…
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pardon my emotions 