i don’t know why i’m doing this. call it my quarter-life crisis, an episode of identity confusion — whatever. all that truly matters is that i’m here, getting off my lazy, unmotivated ass and doing something for once. i’m not good at these intro posts because i never know what to say.
then again, i’m a nobody. if a tree fell in a forest and no one was there to bear witness, would it make a sound? if a nobody speaks, would anyone even listen?
for the time being, you don’t need to know my real name but you can call me fleur. i’m 25, LA born and raised, a little bitter and a lot of angry for reasons unknown, and kind of a living contradiction.
i’m a little narcissistic but still insecure; stubborn but also sometimes a pushover; trustworthy but a little bit of a liar; reckless and spontaneous but a creature of habit. i’m the gray area and how the emotions range depends on the day, time of day, the person, my opinion regarding said person. it’s all in the environmental details really, the fine-tooth-comb type of specifics that matter.
they say to not let my environment control me, but that’s always easier said than done. so here’s to finding a safe space (or rather, creating my own) — a place where the bottled emotions can freely explode, a place where i can learn not to take things too personally, a place to escape to not feel alone. or maybe being a highly sensitive and emotional human being is just who i am, always an orchid child at heart, unable to deal with rejection or stress for fear any challenge might obliterate me completely.
welcome to the pity party of a confused, aimless nobody. if anything, i hope this helps me find my voice again (and maybe my mind too). maybe this could help someone out there realize they’re not alone in feeling the emotional rollercoaster as i do.
misery loves company.